Heard to speech

For example, in everyday chitchat ..., when we hear someon's story we tend to respond with a story of our own. But that kind of "parallel storytelling" can keep us from learning all that might be learned from the first story and leave the speaker feeling unheard. So the host of a transformative conversation must invite people to stay in "inquiry mode" for a while by asking the storyteller honest, open questions about what he or she has said. Such questions, have the power, in the words of Nelle Morton to "hear people into speech," deeper and deeper speech.8 This not only helps people feel heard but helps them tell their story in greater depth, improving the odds that both the speaker and the listeners will learn something new.

What are the earmarks of an open, honest question? First and foremost, an honest, open question is one you cannot possibly ask while thinking to yourself, "I know the right answer to this and I sure hope you give it to me." For instance, "Have you ever thought about seeing a therapist?" is not an honest, open question! In contrasts, these are honest and open questions: "What experience shaped the idea you just told us about?" "You said that your students are resistant to this approach. What are the marks of that resistance, and what do you think causes it" "You mentioned you find the work of such-and-such a writer helpful. What is that work, and why is it meaningful to you?"

These questions come from genuine curiosity and authentic inquiry ... They do not put the speaker on the defensive. They do not attempt to compel the speaker to go in a particular direction. They allow the speaker to define his or her truth for himself or herself.